It all just ends up the same whether I try or not. I can’t stand myself, I can’t handle reality, and I’m losing every incentive I’ve ever had to be in my own life. Optimism is quickly slipping away, and as expected, everything my optimism was holding up is falling down around me. How can I be so conscious of my state and still not be able to change it? My knuckles are purple from punching the wall. I keep breaking my own stuff. I want to break all of it, but I know I shouldn’t. I quit my job even though I’m broke.
The only person who was ever there to offer me any help was myself. Now I’ve lost interest.