About every other day or so I end up in a fistfight with some inanimate object at work after about two hours of being there. I leave, because there’s no sense in letting that get any worse. Today I left with my knuckles bleeding from punching a door over and over again. I don’t really know why this happens. Is it really because the pen stopped working? Is it because I feel like I’m being taken advantage of? Is it just because I had different plans for myself at this point in my life, or because I feel like I failed at everything else? I need to get out of this, but every time I go and actually look for a different job, I get even angrier. I get this sense that the whole system is just flawed and the real problem is that there’s just no place for me in any of it.
Until further notice, I’m not playing anymore shows. There’s probably about six people in the world who aren’t in bands themselves who have ever come out to see me play. I got the hint. Not a big loss on my part, I guess.
I don’t want to be so negative, but it’s better than pretending to be positive.