There’s something pure and infinite in you, that wants to come out of you, and can come out of no other person on the planet. That’s what you’ve got to share, and that’s as real and important as the fact that you’re alive… The world at large, careerism, money, magazines, your parents, the people at the rock club in your town, other kids, nothing is going to give you that message, necessarily. In fact most things are going to lead you away from it, sadly, because humanity is really confused at the moment. But you wouldn’t exist if the universe didn’t need you. And anytime I encounter something beautiful that came out of a human somewhere, that’s them, that’s their own soul. That’s just pure, whatever its physicality is, if the person can play a piano, if they’re tone deaf, whatever it is, if it’s pure, it hits you like a sledgehammer. It fills up your own soul, it makes you want to cry, it makes you glad you’re alive, it lets you come out of you. And that’s what we need: we desperately need you.
– Julian Koster of Neutral Milk Hotel, quoted at the closing of In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Kim Cooper
I’ve always felt like I’m being distracted from what could be my own life. The past few days I’ve been picturing myself as being in a cloud, where I can see myself but everything else is obscured, and I’m obscured to everyone around me. I’ve always imagined the soul as being these lines that you cast out from yourself, to attach yourself to things. I make music, keep up a few relationships with people, write a blog, etc. There are things that pull at me that threaten those connections. The demands of my job and my small role in this unnatural capitalist machine we live in, for example. I think in your 20s you’re discovering yourself, and when you hit 30, it’s time to stop trying so hard and just be yourself. I’m going on this solo road trip in September, and it’s by no means a way of finding myself. It’s an attempt at being myself, without the distractions. I think I’m dedicated to the idea whether or not I save up my ideal amount of money to make it happen.
I just finished the book that I quoted above, and it reminded me of what I’ve always thought life was about. As soon as Careerism was mentioned it hit home why I spent 10 years recording fourtrack records that no one ever heard and unsuccessfully jumping from part-time job to part-time job, trying to get out what I needed to get out. John Frusciante said that he believes most music is made for the wrong reasons, and I agree. Sometimes I try really hard to make something sound a certain way, even though my heart’s not in it. Then the songs I like the most are the ones where something just clicked and took off. I hear about bands getting all this hype and going on these huge tours and it just seems like too much of an industry, and I’m still trying to reconcile that attitude with the fact that I need to make money to fucking survive and I really don’t see myself delivering pizza much past the first frost.
The new record is entitled OPEN and will be out September 3rd, my 31st birthday and the night before I leave for the road. I decided tonight its underlying theme of authenticity. I’m looking for something real in myself, and others, and in the world around me, and I’m struggling to find it. The idea is that you’re more likely to find it by leaving your door open than by knocking on closed ones.