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Bullet Points for this Evening’s Meeting with Life

July 24th, 2008
  • I’m unwilling to let go of myself for others and I’m also unwilling to let go of my need for the world outside myself. There’s a balance often struck, but every road I take to find it leads to me having to choose.
  • I used to look out at the city and see a vast sea of possibility. Tonight I looked off a highway footbridge and saw a vast wasteland of human potential, and I shouted “fucking trash city!” at the pavement, but no one was there to hear me.
  • There’s nothing keeping me here, but nothing forcing me to leave. My entire life is a default, and can be summed up with the phrase, “for lack of a better reason…” I’m in Minneapolis for the same reason why I’m alive: it’s what was granted me and I haven’t had the balls to change it.
  • I walked into an alley tonight, drifting towards the skyline, and I was confronted with a fence. Instead of walking all the way back, I chose to jump the fence. As the nearly empty flask of whiskey + vermouth in my back pocket could have predicted, it was not a good idea. Acrobatics aside, the bottle did not break and I left Stevens Square laughing.
  • I keep telling myself that I have a CD to finish, and when it’s done I can move on with my life. It’s the only thing keeping me going. The last time I had this much of myself riding on a creative project, it wasn’t pretty, and I topped off my 22nd birthday by collapsing in someone else’s yard in the pouring rain, convinced that I had just wasted 22 years. I’m really afraid that in September I might get to the point where I’m convinced that I just wasted 30.

3 Responses to “Bullet Points for this Evening’s Meeting with Life”

  1. Will Says:

    I remember in like maybe 2002, when you passed out under a bush after a Test Type Trio concert, or something. It was your turn, once again, that night. And later it would be mine.

  2. admin Says:

    It was after puking up my spaghetti. Test Type played at Sursumcorda and they had $2 “grab bag” beers. Then Happy Apple played on the floor and the audience was on stage. That was a great time that probably should have ended well before Zach started mixing raspberry vodka with Red Bull.

  3. Will Says:

    :) I think Zach was going all-out that night because of his impending departure for California or something.

    Hey, did you hear about Val and Sean’s new baby boy? Born June of this year. They named him Conrad. A very Val name, methinks.

    To anyone reading this who is not Gerald: sorry about the inside references. Zach was/is the drummer for Test Type Trio, a jazz funk fusion band. Sean was/is the sax player. Val was/is a poet. I was/is I palindrome I.

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