Ok, so local arts writer Michael Fallon has been watching my blog, and he recently quoted from and linked to it on his blog.
My negativity caught his attention, apparently. I’ve had a lot of negative things to communicate lately. A lot of it has to do with Minneapolis. A ton of it has to do with myself. I wanted to be clear on this: I definitely don’t want to blame the Twin Cities for my failures as an artist. I think this place is a fine spot for a middle class, well adjusted, creative person with a descent backup plan to get a good start. I believe that I have personal issues that keep me from realizing my goals, specifically in this place. I was setting my hopes on being able to travel. I still want to. I think my artistic success depends on it. But I don’t think I can afford it.
In response to a comment on Michael’s blog: I never expected success to be handed to me without working for it. I’m not sitting on my hands whining about my failure. What people don’t realize is that hard work does not get rewarded. I’ve worked as hard as I could in my pursuits. I’ve always had such a hard time just trying to make enough money to maintain my own survival. I have to choose between having time to make art and having money to make art. I opt for one, and three months later I need to shift the weight, and maybe sacrifice a flexible job for a consistent income. And I’m not giving up. I’m still writing songs, recording and releasing music. Yes, I quit making “visual art.” That’s a different story. I’m very critical of that discipline right now. I’ll figure out how to write about it eventually.
Minneapolis shouldn’t feel bad about not supporting artists. Lots of places can’t support their artists. But Minneapolis should stop making out with itself in the mirror and take a look at itself instead. My previous strategy was to try success locally, and then take the next step. Now I know that’s not going to happen.
I’m waiting for something to pay off right now. I’m trying to take it easy and not stress myself out. I can’t afford for my depression to be driving me, so until something happens maybe a little apathy is the answer. I was all ready to make a routine out of bourbon-sours and Law and Order episodes on Netflix, but Michael’s blog got me thinking.
On a little more positive note, I also found out this morning that my song, “Twenty-Eight,” was chosen this week on MNArtist’s MNSpin contest. Yep.