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Comfort Zone

September 15th, 2012
it starts and then it stops
it never goes away
I’m eating up my time
I’ll make it up someday

they’re running up a wall
it’s crazy how they climb
I don’t understand at all
it’s funny how we fall

there’s nothing in the way
of what we’re trying to get to know
you get to someplace safe
and then you gotta go

but what if you just stayed
you can lie in bed all day
and fade into the night
and melt into the fade

there’s a party down the road
but I don’t know if I’ll go
heavy in the head
I can’t be held responsible

if I take up my slack
and get up off by back
I stop and then I take
everybody down with me

and why is the fire on fire when it feels so cold
this artifice slaps me on the face if I step outside my comfort zone

I wake up with the sun
beating down from up on high
I take the hours as they come
and feel like I’m just squeezing by

and sometimes I fight myself and it takes its toll
I pick myself up even though this is not what I signed up for


September 13th, 2009
sad life awaits
in the corners of the crowds
everybody knows they’re gonna be alone
deep down

cover up myself
with the road in my head
but I know it’s no longer who I am
this time

I’ll look up
if you look up
we don’t need to stay here anymore
I need you more
than I’ve ever known myself
so come on…

dance with me
in a sidewalk street
talk to me like a human being

Saturday Night

February 2nd, 2009

The Detritus downloads continue. Here’s an old track about winter and being bitter about others’ social lives and your own lack of one. I wrote it in 2006 for the “Lost in the Background” CD (the album title came out of the lyrics.) I didn’t include it in the end, partially because I couldn’t get over the obscure art-history reference I made to the daguerrotype by Louis Jacques Mande Daguerre, “The Boulevard du Temple” (1838). It was the first photograph ever taken of a person, simply because the long exposure time removed the moving crowds from the photograph, leaving only the single person who was standing still the whole time. This romanticized the idea of an anti-social artist to me.

they crowd into the streets
they fill up tables and their chairs
they laugh and smile among their friends
they walk around in pairs
they lose themselves in conversation
so young and alive
they’ll wake up in the morning, easy
everything is fine

but somewhere there’s a lonely drifter
small among the crowds
he’s quiet in a corner
simply lost in the background
like a long exposure photograph
from the 19th century
of a Paris city street
he’s the one that you can see

I gaze outside the window at the cars and ice and snow
listening to the sounds from the apartment down below
I’ll place a melancholy CD in my bedroom stereo
the evening is still young, but it’s not like I would know

someone out there has found a lover
someone else refilled their drink
but I guarantee those crowded bars
won’t leave you room to think
yeah, but thinking’s got the best of me
I just wish I could relax
for now I’ll transfer nervous energy to the tape
in my fourtrack

Download the Song

Do I need to blog about it?

January 30th, 2009

I can’t sleep and I’m being bombarded by negative thoughts, and I’m compelled to do two things.  One is physically harm myself, and the other is to express my mental state on this wasteland of social networking new media bullshit.  Life 2.0.  I decided, after punching my wall a few times, not to change my Facebook status to something like: “Gerald is being attacked by his own brain” or “Gerald is useless and should get over it.”  Instead I should try to make some effort at analysis.  I started wondering if the internet is supposed to be a tool for social exchange, or a replacement for it.

I wonder if it’s better to just keep my outbursts to myself, or to publish them to the digital world.  Either way it seems I end up in the same place.  In August, the same thing happened.  I was unsatisfied with my life, every aspect of it.  I was broke, bored, depressed and anti-social.  I thought I was getting better.  I think I am better as long as I’m not closed off in myself, because then I just sit at home and drink, and watch movies on Netflix, and check my email, Myspace and Facebook, wondering if I have a life.  Either that or I go out to a show alone to pass the time and leave feeling alienated.  I try to write songs but find myself writing the same thing over and over again.  I feel like I’m not being challenged.  I’m not being surprised, and in turn I can’t surprise myself, which is what being creative is all about.  I also feel like it’s a lot of work for me to maintain a social life because I give off an independent vibe, and also because I naturally get along with other independent, or even anti-social, people.  I’m not really independent.  I feed off of other people, I just need my little pockets of solitude in order to express it.

Anyone want to go do something?


January 24th, 2009

set aside my loneliness
I’m backing down
so far from home and fading now
from the uselessness that seems to stray
so far away from the fantasy

you still take yourself
apart because you think you don’t
know what you want
but could it be
you don’t want anything?

ambition fades in a sea of time lost to regret
and I swear I never saw your face
the same way twice
but could it be
I can’t see anything?