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Chicago Pics

November 6th, 2008

In the middle of August, I abruptly quit my job working for my dad, and after a night spent beating myself up, I ordered a ticket for the Megabus and went to Chicago so I didn’t have to think about my life for a while. Here’s what I saw:

CageServiceL TracksMy sandwiches, spirits and music.OpenClosedFire EscapeBalloon GraffitiL TracksFire EscapeFree PeeAvenge me!ShadowsRatsFire EscapeFire EscapeFire EscapeAction


This is fun…

November 5th, 2008

I’ve been wondering how to go about this post for the past week or so, because it’s not the typical depressing bullshit, plans or mental-detritus.  At some point in the past year or so, I realized that it’s time to stop trying so hard and just live my life.  I knew that when you force something, it breaks.  But keeping open doors can lead to more fruitful things.  Recording “Exits + Obstacles” was one last stab at pushing myself and making myself do something.  The subsequent depressive rampage that found me almost taking a random plane to anywhere at one in the morning (the airport was essentially closed) confirmed my theories about what that can do for your mental health.  It was alot of work to get through that stage, but I have to say I’m really happy with the outcome.

I recently started seeing someone, and that’s the part I was uncertain how to blog about.  I’m used to being by myself.  It’s led to some great things–things that I’m proud of and that without which, I wouldn’t be me.  I’m not the kind of person who is always with somebody just to be with somebody, so when it happens its pretty great.  It can also be really stressful.  Wikipedia’s article on love lists side effects “similar to amphetamines,” including “increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep.”  On top of that, I have a new apartment and a new job, as well as my typical shaky financial situation.

A couple years ago, after I filed bankruptcy and got rid of my studio, I was confronted with what was left of my life, my mind centering on one thought: that there was nothing I was connected to that I cared to hold on to.  I had reduced myself to only those things I was indifferent to.  I feel the complete opposite now.  I’m surrounding myself with things I care about.  I’ve never felt this comfortable with a job, home or another person.  I’m writing songs, and things are coming out really easily and I’m not worrying about when the next CD is going to be done.  (It’s going to take enough time to try and sell 1000 copies of “Exits”)

When things were going really bad, I could see depression in flux with my life, adding fuel to the fire. In college, I remember depression would simply cause a bit of reflective sadness, which I enjoyed. It’s only when my life is spiraling downward that it becomes a problem, making me lose sight of how to take control.  I say this because I know sadness will hit after the high is over, and that’s OK.  But I feel like all the hanging on is paying off right now.  After I flipped out and went to Chicago, my goal was to get a job that I could tolerate and try to be social.  It seemed like such a hurdle at the time, despite it being such a simple goal.  But it worked, and I couldn’t be happier.


Chicago

August 21st, 2008

I might need to stay a little longer than planned, unless I collapse first.  This place is huge and just getting downtown is the Minneapolis equivalent of a commute out to the suburbs.

I think my mind is successfully off of my mind, if that makes sense.  I haven’t been thinking about my self, who I am, or what my life represents.  Rather, I’m trying to get around, navigate and figure out what I’m doing.

I’m walking around Wicker Park today.  Most of the stuff I wanted to see seems to be around here.  I’m going to try and find a show to go to tonight.


On up and leaving

August 20th, 2008

I’m in Chicago.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  My own space and my own head were wearing me down, with no way to be outside it.  So I walked around, towards the river, drinking beer and punching my own fucking arm.  Took the light rail, took it back, and booked a Megabus for Chicago.  I got here last night.

I did this all without planning.  I bought my luggage on the way, and was planning on sleeping in the airport or college or something.  My sister’s letting me crash at her place.  Now I’m at a McDonald’s and I just paid $3 to use the WiFi because I couldn’t find any real coffee shops, and I don’t know where I am enough to use the trains.

I’m going to play an open mic tonight.  There’s a few of them, but I think it’ll be at Cafe Mestizo in Pilsen.


Lately

March 28th, 2008

What I’ve been doing lately:

  • Paperwork. Mostly my taxes.
  • Working an average 5 hours a day on my parents’ house.
  • Writing quick and partial songs and recording them on minitape. Playing drums with sticks (I normally use brushes).
  • Worrying about muscle stiffness. My hands tense up when I play guitar for more than 30 minutes. My joints are starting to ache slightly. If I work really hard at music I may find success in my 40s, just in time to be a hopelessly depressed arthritic old man.
  • Contacting places to play in Milwaukee and Chicago. No one so far.
  • Researching the prospect of moving to Chicago.
  • Researching the prospect of going back to school and taking web development classes.
  • Thinking about how silly everything is and wondering why people even try and if I should even bother.